Learning to Breathe

Posted on 12 October 2011 by cath

I know. We all do it. There’s not much to be learned beyond that first moment as we appear in the world and take that first gasp of air. Or at least I thought so.

The funny thing about having been ill is the weird side trips it takes you on. One of my big, remaining problems is that I have a tendency to hold my breath when I exert myself. It’s not a conscious decision, I hasten to add, but part anxiety and part concentration. Anxiety because I never quite know how a new activity is going to affect me. Will I be okay or will I pay for it for days of headfog and aching limbs? So, somewhere deep inside, I hold my breath and wait and see. But holding my breath produces those self-same symptoms so what to do to break the cycle?

Enter yoga.

I’ve dipped in and out of it for years. I’ve never been anything more than a dabbler and resisted the strange names and weird breathing with every inch of my practical Northern soul. But in recent times, I kept thinking about breathing and exertion – which always brought me back to the thought of yoga as it naturally combines the two.

So in May, I decided to listen to that voice and found myself a yoga teacher who would take the time to listen to my myriad health issues (PVFS, dodgy leg, headfogs et al) and help me find a practice that took it all into account.

And here I am in October starting to string asanas together and able to recognise a few muscles in my body and exert a modicum of control over them without holding my breath. Exciting times! The wonderful thing is that despite trying increasingly strong poses, I have never had a headfog after a practice, no matter what I’ve been doing – because no matter what I do, the breathing comes first. And now it makes so much sense, I can’t imagine why it took me so long.

Thanks Yvonne!

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Season of mists and brand new pencils…

Posted on 22 September 2011 by cath

Autumn has arrived with a gust and a downpour – so no change from normal here in Scotland. There’s a back-to-school bite in the air and I’m resisting buying new pens and a pencil case with every fibre of my being. I was never very excited about the new uniform and ugly school shoes, but, oh, the delight of acquiring new pens, a crisp new geometry set, binders… Even fourteen years after leaving full time education, my Pavlovian response to turning leaves is to head for a good stationers and go for gusto… It is one of the great joys of being an adult (along with Haagen-Dazs for breakfast).

I can just about justify my recent purchase of a new Moleskine extra large plain notebook by blaming National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and my need to start hoovering ideas ahead of November. It is already starting to look a little lumpy with the postcards, news articles and ticket stubs that have been pasted and stapled in there. It is being used, which is more than I can say for the umpteen others with a couple of pages of writing in and then abandoned, or still in their cellophane because I haven’t thought of a use for them. A friend pointed out that some notebooks are too beautiful to write in, and whilst that defeats the object of a notebook, I can’t help agreeing! So my plain Moleskine is not too off-puttingly beautiful, just the right size for writing in, and is available all over the place should I manage to fill this one. Of course, this means I have no excuse for buying other notebooks but it doesn’t stop me admiring them…

A nifty widget on the NaNoWriMo website tells me there are 39 days to go. Let the idea hoovering commence…possibly with new pencils…

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Fraying at the Seams

Posted on 25 April 2011 by cath

I didn’t intend for this blog to be just about health stuff, but here’s post two – a squillion years after post one – and it’s on the same subject.

I’ve wanted to lose some of the weight I put on when I was housebound for a few years now, but it was never the right time. First I had to get well. Then I had to get back to work. Then I had to get back to work full time. Then I needed to up my exercise so I could walk to and from work rather than taking two buses to travel just over a mile. Then I wanted to enjoy my new found freedom.

I finally ran out of other things to accomplish this year. My thoughts turned to my poor body, still carrying the last visible remnants of those difficult years.

So I joined WW Online, fired up to shed the weight I’ve been carting around since I got ill. One small learning point emerged. In order to lose weight, you actually have to follow the programme – joining and then continuing to eat the same old rubbish does not make for weight loss. Doh!

I guess I wanted to lose weight but wasn’t ready to do what was needful to lose it. I wasn’t in the right place in my head, so my poor squishy body didn’t get a look in.

I don’t know what’s changed in the last couple of weeks but something has shifted. Maybe it’s the sunshine making me feel positive. Maybe it’s the lovely new fruit and veg starting to appear in the supermarket. Maybe it’s the £1200 bill for dental treatment and the forthcoming physio appointment for the nagging pains in my hips reminding me that eating healthily isn’t just about weight, but also about wellbeing and investing for the future.

Whatever it is, and I suspect it’s a combination of all of the above, I started on WW properly a week or so ago and am sticking to it now. It’s been surprisingly good so far, and I’ve been scrupulous about recording what I eat, even if I’m having an unexpected day.

That’s my first milestone. Starting.

The teeth and hips thing is probably the biggest wake up call to be honest. I’m paying for the years when I was too tired to get out of bed and didn’t always look after my teeth. And the hip thing is the downside to the being able to move around more. I survived my first root canal treatment and have only nine fillings to sit through now. And I’m off to see the physio on Wednesday for a programme of treatment which might let me get to the gym.

But I don’t mind salads when the veg hasn’t flown halfway around the globe to get to me (and therefore has some taste to it!), the new season of British asparagus has hit the shops and the fruit options are starting to brighten up. Not a bad time to start!

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Moving. Me.

Posted on 19 July 2010 by cath

I went to the gym for the first time in five years today.

I sat on the exercise bike, doing my five minutes of slow cycling on the very lowest setting you can do, grinning from ear to ear and trying not to get emotional.

It was a big moment.

One day I’ll write about the rollercoaster has been my experience of M.E. but that is too long a tale for just one post. I’ll write it because there will be someone out there who, like me, went looking for a positive account of such a negative illness and I want to post the kind of thing I was looking for. But that’s a story for another day (week, month, year?). It will take a while.

All I can say at this point in time is that stupid virus was the making of me. No word of a lie. I am a different person as a result of getting ill, and oddly, happier. It has been tough and horrible and frustrating getting to the point where I am sitting on an exercise bike in a gym out of choice – but it has also been amazing and surprising and exuberant.

So here I am, pedalling my little heart out, slowly and carefully, while the Scottish rain falls and I am cycling past another tiny milestone.

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